over

I am not the one that is going to hold this all together. 

midnight magic

Can't you just feel the excitement in the air?

oh I just can't wait, 2 1/2 more hours.

discover something new and change someone's mind

I have decided that I no longer like months that begin with the letter J - January, June, July, don't like them anymore.  

Have you ever felt like everything in your life was going wrong? Like no matter what you said, what you did, what you tried to explain it was all wrong, none of it mattered to anyone? That's me. 

Okay no more depressing sentences, I am going to NYC!  I could never live there, but oh how I love to visit  - the beautiful chaos of times square, the city skyline, being able to imagine that as you stroll down the streets of the Upper East Side your life could be as scandalous, party filled and intriguing as Serena van der Woodsen's, then in the afternoon  walking through Soho that you are a stylist who lives around the corner currently shopping for your latest clients weekend party wardrobe, Broadway, Central Park, the plethora of boutiques filled with vintage clothing, or one of a kind designers, or the must have item that you can only look at, never afford. Last time I went it was January 1st, this time we will be going in august and I cannot wait to see Central Park in the summer. Oh New York, it is such a magical place,  always something to do, something new to see - I wonder what I will see this time.

My Loves

I always miss my friends from college, but today more than other days I miss them extremely bad.  I miss being Ashley Fantasy, or little phinny, or phizolie, or the best one, my little pocket rocket.  And in no specific order....

Heather I miss the random things you would say to cheer me up, like "your life is not that bad ash, look at John the Baptist, now his life was bad."  I miss our shopping trips and laying by the pool together, and our Friday night ritual.

Kelsi I miss your loud laugh :) even when it would wake me up in the morning, I guess that I should have realized that waking up to laughter is such a splendid thing.  I miss your gator enthusiasm and snuggling on the big bean bag with you and hell.

Helen I miss the music we found together, you were my strange music buddy.  When everyone else thought that I might just have found the strangest band ever, you always loved it as much as I did.  And I miss your mad dance skills!

Shea I miss you being my college mom.  You always knew just what to say, and you tried to keep us in line, thanks for trying.  I miss you little smile when you were doing something sneaky and your interpretive dancing.

Tash I miss your laugh too, you and Kelsi had the best laughs.  I miss how you always knew what to say when I was having a bad day, and I miss your hugs.

Stephie I miss the random things you would say, cause you were never afraid to say anything! I miss how you were always the one that thought things out and kept everything under control. I miss your ghetto dance moves and how you are fearless. 

Becky I miss my roomie! I miss laying out at the lake with you and having creepy men sit in their trucks and stare at us.  I miss us wasting countless hours in our room doing absolutely nothing. I miss watching the worst reality TV shows with you Rock of Love, New York, Flavor of Love, and Keeping up with the Kardashians - watching them is not the same without you.  

Bethany I miss you sleeping on my floor.  And how nice and caring you are, and oh the things you would say! I miss being your Ashley Fantasy.

Amie I miss telling you weekend stories.  I miss our late night coffee studying, or lack of studying.  I miss how you did not know how to cook a grilled cheese and how you threatened to cut down that palm tree.

Raychel I miss how you always would say what was on your mind, especially about Walt Disney.  I miss you encouraging me to act stupid to the point where I would start video taping myself on my computer or say things like how wonderful your boyfriend is when he waits for you outside our sliding glass door haha.

Bekki I miss your smile.  I miss how sweet you are and how you were alway up to do something fun, like drive in movies in freezing weather.

Jill I miss my roomie!  I miss you talking in your sleep. I miss you reading people's statuses to us on a daily basis.  I miss your amazing baking skills and your craftiness and putting stickies all over Amie's desk with you.

I know this isn't everyone from college but these are the girls I lived with, or that basically lived in my room, and they are the people I spent the most time with, the ones that knew when I was having a bad day, that knew how crazy I am, they are the best.  My best friends, my roomies, my loves, I miss you all so very much.

yeah i know i'm a loser.  it's been like 6 months - give or take a few?

get over it.

oh and i have nothing to say.

except that this is my new favorite picture.

where's your raw hide?

Today I became a Mommy.  Mommy of a little furry, one pound bundle of spunk named Marley.  Oh she is a doll.  It was a tough trip home with baby, she got car sick - yes for real car sick like poor little baby lost her food - and I cried, we had to stop and clean up, then when we started the car again, baby got sick again and I cried harder.  We made it though! And when we got home baby pooped on the floor, her first poop! Oh being a mother is going to be wonderful!

Christmas is over! It tis so sad, but I had a wonderful northern Christmas complete with ten degree weather, mountains, and a live tree.  It was beautiful.  Even better is that i was able to spend it with family; I got to see my uncle that I hadn't seen in forever and my cousin Jonathan, his wife Heather, and their little bit Sofia.  It was a cozy Christmas, just perfect.  

WARNING: The following is a personal rant, I'm going to complain, I'm going to go off.

So what is up with all these holiday engagements? Like seriously we graduate and/or go on winter brake and you think "Oh well I might as well ask now."  Seriously five, maybe more, of my friends are now engaged, I witnessed one engagement of strangers, and heard of like 3 for people I don't even know.  What the heck.  

All children, except one, grow up

It has been a day full of childhood cheer.  It's been one of those days where I only left the house once, and even then I just drove my car around town, realized, I don't really want to go anywhere, and drove right back home never getting out.  There were pancakes for breakfast and sad goodbyes to my roomie on her way to Connecticut.  Mom's been poking at a crackling fire all day and I have barely left my newly claimed spot in our newly arranged living room.  I scanned my little bookshelf looking for a new book to start or something to re-read, and of course found the perfect book, Peter Pan.  It is a pure childhood classic.  It was always my favorite as a little girl, I loved the movie, I loved the picture book, and I loved playing dress up as Tink and Peter and Wendi, "Wake up," she cried, "Peter Pan has come and he is to teach us to fly." It is a magical book and I get so entangled in it's words that I want to read it aloud.  I love those kind of books.  I love even more that it is Christmas time and Elf has been on every time I turn on the television.  "You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa!" Oh Will Ferrell.  But it's not just that, Christmas movies get me, kinda like childhood fairy tales do.   I think it's the whole Christmas will be saved if everyone will just believe or the clap your hands to save Tink.   Whatever it is Christmas movies make me cry - like at the end of Elf when Santa's sleigh falls in Central Park and everyone just needs to believe, and then they start singing, and then really believing, that is when the tears form in my eyes and I just smile big and hold them in because it is a little crazy to cry at Christmas movies.  And now I am sorting through old ornaments and lights because I'm decorating Ty's house whether he likes it or not, back to cutting out paper snowflakes!!!!!

home sweet home

I really can't believe that it is all over. As I sit her in my cozy little spot on the couch with the tree lit across the room and the sent of pumpkin spice floating through the air it simply feels as if I'm on Christmas break.  But I graduated!  Maybe it will hit me hard when everyone goes back to lakeland in January except me, I will be here, starting my internship, finding a job and an apartment, and starting a real life.   I feel like those years flew by too fast.  I could go on and on about what I'm going to miss: palace Fridays with Heather, turtles, dance parties, gosh!, drive in movies, dress code wait no I wont miss that, but I'll shut up now.  It truly is a bittersweet ending.

Anyhow, it's Christmas!!!!! The parties have already begun and so has the Christmas baking.  Currently I am compiling my complete list of treats to be baked this season, better get your order in quick! So far this list consist of chocolate covered everything, lemon cookies, sugar cookies, chocolate woopies, joe froggers, chocolate truffles, pecan clusters, apple crumb pie, peppermint bark, cherry pecan streusel loafs, and whatever other wonderful creations drift into my mind.  Oh the holidays.  Tomorrow is the first time I will wonder out into the shopping frenzy to purchase Christmas presents for all those I hold dearest, and of course to buy myself plenty of red and green to wear this season.  Oh there is so much to look forward to this Christmas!

write as it comes

so it's been awhile...

This is like finals week for me and it sucks.  I have five, count 'em five papers due by next Friday; not to mention the other crap that is left over from throughout the year, of which I have yet to finish. But, I am graduating.  Oh those three words are so glorious.  I am not even going to get into the mixed emotions of graduation right now - 1 AM on a Wednesday night is not the time.... or is it? Hmmmm nope.

So it is fall and I have yet to experience the joys of a warm bonfire and gewie marshmallows.  It kinda depresses me.  Though we did have our own little fire in the kitchen last night thanks to me. long story but in the end we had a melted spatula, a ruined pot, and some nice fried chicken strips of which I ate.  Yes it was eventful. Anyhow I feel like everyone should know (if of course you have not already seen the commercial) that you can go to Disney for free on your birthday. Yep I signed up online a couple of hours ago, you should too.  And in case anyone was wondering the best song on the new Taylor Swift CD is Breathe.   

Well, more homework. Break over.

it's called procrastination

I have a test in History and Theology of the Pentecostal Movement tomorrow over one-hundred and fifty something slides.... and this is what I am doing.

oh and its 1AM and I have downed two of those medium sized red bulls, oh college.

i need sleep

I am supposed to be studying for a HUGE midterm I have on Wednesday, but I am distracted.  It happens after you have a completely amazing weekend with your friends and are then shipped back to college to be bored and do homework.  It was a a country weekend, complete with chicken house, the county fair, and line dancing thanks to kasey lynne - freakin' hilarious is all that can describe that night. 

 I hate being caught between the two worlds of college and home, I would just like to say that.

hmmm and that's all because I have not gone to bed before 3 all weekend and I would like to start now. 

this is completely pointless, ignore if possible

Oh it was quite a weekend.  Complete with Palace!, me hitting a lady with my yellow golf ball at put put, experiencing wheat pizza for the fist time (which was rather tasty), and staying up till 4 am only to have to drive to Orlando at 8 in the morning.  But now it is Tuesday and there are classes and homework and homework and more homework - because there is a price to pay for graduating in December.  I try to be studious.  I live in the library, yet I'm not sure if I wouldn't get more done just sitting in my room... probably not, I would watch TV or sleep.  I am an excellent napper (I took three yesterday).  I quite like the library though; even if instead of studying I am shopping online, or ralphie is making me laugh hysterically, or if I am blogging on here instead of reading chapter I don't even know of Newbigin.  Whatever.

If anyone has good suggestions for what I should name my cute little boutique that will hopefully soon be reality, feel free to share :)

my excuse

Recently I received an email asking "why do you have a blog that you don't blog in?" And I guess it did end pretty quickly, but I have reasons, excuses, anything! So here they are: 1.) I went back to college, 2.) I am taking 21 credit hours...count 'em 21, 3.) Thanks to Southeastern I have had NO internet in my house until this week, 4.) I forgot my blogger password and did not figure out what it was until today in History and Theology of the Pentecostal Movement. But I am back now!

SCHOOL IS SO NOT COOL

stay close to me

lately my life has been hectic and crazy and basically a mess.  It seems like everyday there is another change, another obstacle holding me back from where God wants me to be in my life.  This morning I read a devotion from the most amazing woman on this earth - my mom.  It will now be the second time I am reading her devotional for women; the first time I was soo excited that she had finally published it i blew through the whole thing in one day.  Now I am going back, taking it all in.  I am at that spot in my life where I feel like nothing is ever going to work out for me.  I am graduating college with no idea what to do, I'm having foot surgery again, and boys?  i do not even have words for that.  For the past two days I had been feeling like there was a lot I needed to change in my life and when  I opened my little devotional and started reading I knew  everything I had been feeling and planning and wanting to change for the past two days was right: "Doors will open that no man can close.  Opportunities to pour into individual lives will be yours for the taking. I've told you in times past, change comes and is necessary for My will to be accomplished. Don't look with fear or dread, but look with great excitement and anticipation." I could only cry as I continued to read because I am finally facing what I knew all along, that all I have been through, all that in my eyes has gone wrong was for a purpose - to make me stronger, to prepare me for bigger changes, and the ultimate plan God has for my life. 

"Then you will cal upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:12-13

In other news on Monday night I sat in a line, in the middle of a littered street, in downtown Jacksonville from 3am till 8am.  I listened to people play their guitars and sing in an effortless attempt to show off their glorious talent.  I heard the life story of a very interesting lady who just wanted to say hey to her "chirrens" as the camera came by and went on to let everyone within ear range of her know that she was gonna get that child support whether that crack head was in jail or not.  I met a nice guy named Brad to whom we showed the guy on youtube that sings like a girl and actually sounds good.  I met a father and son from Middleburg who were very nice and told us exactly what to expect and who we will probably see again on Wednesday since hey received their wristbands right before us.  Oh and how can I forget the guy with three teeth and his large friend.  It was quite a night but ya know what? I GOT MY WRISTBAND!!!!

I had all intentions of starting this, the blog ya know, back in November.  Well its August, but at least I'm starting!  I just want a place to ramble, share my thoughts, the randomness of my life.  It might be boring, sometimes meaningless to you maybe, and I am by no means any sort of spectacular writer; it's just me, honestly sharing my life with whomever chooses to read these lines.

School is only two weeks away and for the first time in my three years of college I am really going to miss Callahan.  Over the summer I've had the opportunity to rekindel old friendships, strengthen existing ones, and meet totally new people - put them all together and you have "The Family."  We're all about the same age, somewhere in the twenties, some live far from home, others too far from us, some are in college (unfortunately I am the only one leaving), and we are all searching to find the plan and purpose God has for our lives.  I am really going to miss the Fam during my last semester at SEU: the hammock talks, midnight movies, cookouts,  UFC nights, gun shots at 3 A.M. haha. Yet, at the same time, I cannot wait to see my college girls who I have been without all summer long!  It is really the first time I have wanted to stay, yet, wanted to go at the same time.

Some of the Fam went to see Pineapple Express last night - midnight it's tradition.  There were way more people there than I ever would have expected and they all looked high, then the movie started and I completely understood. ha. 

*If you are offended by bad language or people smoking weed don't go see this movie

Almost forgot, this week the Fam added a new member.  Ty and myself spent about 3 or 4 hours in Guitar Center the other night and finally came home with Susie (Ty let me name her) an all white Fender Strat.